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This song was largely inspired by a Dilbert cartoon in which Dogbert writes a self - help
book. Dilbert notes that Dogbert's book will help the author far more than the reader,
and Dogbert makes the pithy observation that successful people don't want company.

I take the slightly less cynical view that the value of any advice one receives,
no matter how good it might seem, is still dependent on the motivation of the
one who gives it, and also upon the ends to which the recipient applies it.

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Synopsis: Progressive metal musings on dubious advice.


Ponder voluntarily subliminal tapes
Unnoticed motivation or cunning mental rape?
To see inside your mind just take a look
If it was really "self help" you wouldn't need a book
Before you listen, you'd better think twice
Successful people seldom give the best advice
To know the motivation of the author is vital
They don't need another peer; they want a new disciple

The fish moved my cheese
and the chicken soup gave me the runs,
So I'm just going to use my
"Life's highly effective little total quality habits
I learned in kindergarten rule book" as toilet paper
Because I'm ok, and you're ok

Take your advice and ram it
You tell me twice; go jam it
Just take your wisdom; cram it
It's my decision, dammit

Nothing ventured, nothing gained / Play it safe;avoid the pain
Better things are worth the cost / Nothing ventured, nothing lost
That's not a real saying... try again!

Play with fire and you'll get burned / The early bird gets the worm
Good things come to those who wait / He is lost who hesitates
Measure twice and cut once / Let's "cut" to the chase

Haste makes waste / Strike while the iron is hot
Better late than never / Make hay while the sun shines
Rome wasn't built in a day / Time is money
A penny saved is a penny earned / In for a penny, in for a pound
Caveat emptor / Easy come, easy go
A rolling stone gathers no moss / Agreed, but who wants moss?

Don't put all your eggs in one basket / Don't count your chickens before they hatch
Can't make an omelette without breaking some eggs / Eggs can't be unscrambled
Don't cry over spilt milk / Better safe than sorry
All's well that ends well / An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure

If it ain't broke, don't fix it / A stitch in time saves nine
Cross that bridge when you come to it / Don't put the cart before the horse
Don't look a gift horse in the mouth / Beware of Greeks bearing gifts
Close enough for horseshoes / A miss is as good as a mile

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again / Once bitten, twice shy
Forewarned is forearmed / Look before you leap... wait, that's the same thing, isn't it?

Well begun is half done / Here today, gone tomorrow
Half a loaf is better than none / Hey, you're still rhyming - no rhyming!
Quit stalling! / Beggars can't be choosers
A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush / The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence

Leave well enough alone / It's easier to get forgiveness than permission
Discretion is the better part of valor / Actions speak louder than words
Let sleeping dogs lie / Where there's a will, there's a way
A rising tide lifts all ships / When the going gets tough, the tough get going

Slow but steady wins the race / A watched pot never boils... tick tock...

A metal song should have an intro, two verses, a chorus, one verse, another chorus,a guitar solo,
a bridge, optionally another verse, and then repeat the chorus until it fades out or does a crash and burn

Shut up!

When it rains it pours / Every cloud has a silver lining
You can't teach an old dog new tricks / Experience is the best teacher
Ignorance is bliss / Knowledge is power
The best things in life are free / You get what you pay for

All that glitters isn't gold / Nothing is certain except death and taxes
It's better to give than to receive / You can't get blood from a stone
It's what's in your heart that counts / The road to hell is paved with good intentions
What's good for the goose is good for the gander / One man's meat is another man's poison

Oil and water don't mix / Variety is the spice of life
A leopard can't change its spots / Don't judge a book by its cover
One bad apple spoils the barrel / Don't throw the baby out with the bathwater
You lie down with dogs, you get up with fleas / The cream rises to the top

Pride goeth before the fall / Don't hide your light under a bushel
The devil can quote scripture for his purpose / That's exactly my point
What will be will be / God helps those who help themselves
No man is an island / Good fences make good neighbors

You can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar / You can catch more flies with crap than vinegar, too
A soft answer turns away wrath / Honesty is the best policy
One good turn deserves another / All's fair in love and war
Don't cut off your nose to spite your face / He who laughs last, laughs best

Two wrongs don't make a right / Turnabout is fair play
Live and let live / Kill or be killed
The universal rule... sorry, where was I?

Stop and smell the roses / Keep your eyes on the prize

Learn from the past
Plan for the future
Live in the present
Think for yourself

Copyright 2004 Jeff Buser.

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